Weak Sauce About Nothing

Salsa débil sobre nada!

Superman is Clown Shoes Part II

Welcome to the 2nd entry of compelling evidence proving that Superman is WEAK!

Personal life:
Superman has no personal life, he was born Kal-el, not Clark Kent. But for the sake of argument, we’ll say Clark Kent: Spends his time reporting for the Globe, (which BY THE WAY, anyone who works in the newspaper business will tell you is a 24/7 job, so how can he be doing this effectively between changing identities?) The only benefit he provides to Metropolis as Clark Kent is reporting.
Chasing after and pining for Lois Lane who doesn’t give a crap about him and barely notices he’s there.

As Superman Louis Lane is just about stalking him. Maybe all the single women of Metropolis though he has never said anything about a significant other as superman, as Clark Kent, nobody cares what he has to say about a significant other.



louis & superman, superman & lois, OH! clark & lois, lois & superman, *YAWN* lois & superman, OH! clark & lois

As Bruce Wayne: Millionaire and aire to Wayne Enterprises; Spends his time managing his company, developing new advances in the sciences both for his benefit as Batman and for the world. Organizes and attends charity functions. Uses thrill seeking as an excuse to keep his agility up and to learn new forms of crime fighting. Always seems to have a, or several dates (with women) in public and is considered Gotham’s premiere playboy.

As Batman, even with the fact that they are on opposite sides of the law, Catwoman, Poison Ivy, Harley-Quinn, Talia Al Ghul (Ra’s Al Ghul’s Daughter) all want him (and not just to kill him)


Batman & Catwoman, Rachel Daws & Bruce, Batman & Talia, Bruce & 2 foreign models, Bruce & Selina Kyle, Batman & Poison Ivy, Bruce & Vicki

Side kicks: 

Superman:
Has no sidekicks, when he “died” a group of super-people tried to emulate him, but when he came back to life, he never accepted them in Metropolis. Now they’re fighting crime as themselves in their respective home-cities.
Super-woman (or Supergirl) but she only showed up in cross-overs or side stories.
Krypto the wonder dog: even worse clown-shoes than Superman (if that’s possible)
Batman:
(Depending on which universe you pull your bat-lore from)
4 different Robin’s (one died, one became NightWing, 2 were/is head of the Teen Titans)
2 different Bat-Women
Though he was never vocal about it, and at first never accepts their help, eventually Batman treats each one of his sidekicks as equals in the crusade against crime. (which is why he never tells the commissioner about his daughter, or why he doesn’t send Robin home)
Justice League argument:
Batman and Superman are members of The Justice League, (or Justice League America, or originally the Super Friends) Think about that for a second; A group of “SUPER” people.
Batman, a HUMAN, with NO super powers is a member of a League of SUPER heroes. Not only is he a member, he’s one of the ELEITE members. Not a throw-in like “the flash” or “Aquaman” When they decided to start the group, who were the two first characters they thought of? Superman and Batman.

Stay tuned for Part 3 (probably going to be a 4 parter, it’s seriously a 4 page essay!)
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May 20, 2008 Posted by | Don't taze me bro, Movies, Weak Sauce About Nothing | , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 3 Comments

Superman is Clown Shoes Part I

Got your attention? good! This is going to be like one of those “Ford vs. Chevy” arguments except more intelligent and oh, by the way, Toyota Tundra got Motor Trend Truck of the year this year. . .suck on that for a while you damn rednecks!

Ford and Chevy getting their shit ruined.
Superman has got to be the single dumbest character ever. His powers, identity, occupation and over-all personality are weak-sauce. “Prove it!” you say? Well, OK I will. I’m going to pit Superman against my personal all-time favorite: Batman. (I can’t believe Warner Bros. was seriously considering doing a Batman vs. Superman movie. DUMBEST IDEA EVER)

Let’s just look at the comics:


Puss.


The man.

 I ask you: which one looks cooler? Which one would be the one to evoke more fear?
Powers:
Superman:
Flight, Super strength enhanced by Earth’s yellow sun, icy breath, Lazer or Heat eyes, fast (but that might go under flight)
Technically “Flight” shouldn’t be in there because as you may well remember, the original tag line was “able to leap tall buildings in a single bound” so he had the strength to jump real high. I’ll give you flight anyway. (Damn babies) Also Icy breath was a more modern ability since originally it was that his lungs were strong enough to blow real hard. . .WHAT! I’m not making this up! Superman blows! Real hard!


Seriously. this is the toy for “Super Breath” Superman. I say again: Puss.

Batman:
Without bat-gadgets: Agility, Stealth, Superior Detection skills, Superior hand-to-hand combat knowledge (various martial arts) superior knowledge spanning several studies of sciences including Psychology, Medicine, Geology, Avionics, Marine science, Archaeology, Mechanics, engineering, Chemistry, Electronics etc. (but all that might go under detection skills)
With bat-gadgets: Illusion, repelling/descending, targeting with projectiles, Various antidotes/anti-toxins
THE BATMOBILE/Various bat-vehicles
Stay tuned for Clown Shoes part 2 coming soon. More compelling evidence that Superman is Clown Shoes!

May 8, 2008 Posted by | Weak Sauce About Nothing | , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 4 Comments