Weak Sauce About Nothing

Salsa débil sobre nada!

Superman is Clown Shoes Part II

Welcome to the 2nd entry of compelling evidence proving that Superman is WEAK!

Personal life:
Superman has no personal life, he was born Kal-el, not Clark Kent. But for the sake of argument, we’ll say Clark Kent: Spends his time reporting for the Globe, (which BY THE WAY, anyone who works in the newspaper business will tell you is a 24/7 job, so how can he be doing this effectively between changing identities?) The only benefit he provides to Metropolis as Clark Kent is reporting.
Chasing after and pining for Lois Lane who doesn’t give a crap about him and barely notices he’s there.

As Superman Louis Lane is just about stalking him. Maybe all the single women of Metropolis though he has never said anything about a significant other as superman, as Clark Kent, nobody cares what he has to say about a significant other.

louis & superman, superman & lois, OH! clark & lois, lois & superman, *YAWN* lois & superman, OH! clark & lois

As Bruce Wayne: Millionaire and aire to Wayne Enterprises; Spends his time managing his company, developing new advances in the sciences both for his benefit as Batman and for the world. Organizes and attends charity functions. Uses thrill seeking as an excuse to keep his agility up and to learn new forms of crime fighting. Always seems to have a, or several dates (with women) in public and is considered Gotham’s premiere playboy.

As Batman, even with the fact that they are on opposite sides of the law, Catwoman, Poison Ivy, Harley-Quinn, Talia Al Ghul (Ra’s Al Ghul’s Daughter) all want him (and not just to kill him)

Batman & Catwoman, Rachel Daws & Bruce, Batman & Talia, Bruce & 2 foreign models, Bruce & Selina Kyle, Batman & Poison Ivy, Bruce & Vicki

Side kicks: 

Has no sidekicks, when he “died” a group of super-people tried to emulate him, but when he came back to life, he never accepted them in Metropolis. Now they’re fighting crime as themselves in their respective home-cities.
Super-woman (or Supergirl) but she only showed up in cross-overs or side stories.
Krypto the wonder dog: even worse clown-shoes than Superman (if that’s possible)
(Depending on which universe you pull your bat-lore from)
4 different Robin’s (one died, one became NightWing, 2 were/is head of the Teen Titans)
2 different Bat-Women
Though he was never vocal about it, and at first never accepts their help, eventually Batman treats each one of his sidekicks as equals in the crusade against crime. (which is why he never tells the commissioner about his daughter, or why he doesn’t send Robin home)
Justice League argument:
Batman and Superman are members of The Justice League, (or Justice League America, or originally the Super Friends) Think about that for a second; A group of “SUPER” people.
Batman, a HUMAN, with NO super powers is a member of a League of SUPER heroes. Not only is he a member, he’s one of the ELEITE members. Not a throw-in like “the flash” or “Aquaman” When they decided to start the group, who were the two first characters they thought of? Superman and Batman.

Stay tuned for Part 3 (probably going to be a 4 parter, it’s seriously a 4 page essay!)

May 20, 2008 - Posted by | Don't taze me bro, Movies, Weak Sauce About Nothing | , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,


  1. Your credibility is in question to make this argument. I believe there are only 3 Robins so far. Dick Grayson – now Nightwing, Jason Todd – who got killed, and the current – Tim Drake. Where you really dropped the ball is where you said the Justice League was “originally the Super Friends”. It is just the opposite. Justice League began decades ago and the Super Friends were the name of the cartoon adapted from it.
    One last thing, I’ve worked in newsrooms and reporters/journalists have plenty of time on their hands on a regular basis. Being the head of a multi-billion dollar global conglomerate corporation and living the playboy lifestyle would be far more time consuming (as in impossible to do both – especially while crimefighting every night!)

    Comment by bob | May 25, 2008 | Reply

  2. OK a-hole, you want to wax intellectual about it?
    1. Dick Grayson
    2. Jason Todd
    3. Tim Drake
    4. Stephanie Brown – Tim Drake’s girlfriend and the costumed adventurer previously known as the Spoiler, volunteered for the role of Robin upon Tim’s resignation.

    The only part I was off on was that this last Robin is not the leader of the teen titans, HOWEVER she isn’t dead and is showing up a lot in the Teen Titans title. (so there’s still time for this to become true)
    If you REALLY want to be a dick about it, there are 6 total seperate people who have held the name “ROBIN”
    1. Bruce Wayne – 1950’s story featured the young B.W. as ROBIN to learn detective work until he could take on the Batman mantle. OR, if that’s not good enough, there was a story “Batboy & Robin” where Bruce and Tim had their ages switched and Bruce had Tim become Batman and He became Robin to keep up the illusion of Batman.
    2. Dick Grayson
    3. Jason Todd
    4. Tim Drake
    5. Carrie Kelly – “The Dark Knight Returns” (before stephanie, but Carrie was featured first in a non canonical story)
    6. Stephanie Brown
    I could say there was a 7th, but again, you claim my credibility would be in question here:
    7. 52 – (The names are never revealed but in this Multiverse, he appears with the same charactaristics of Bruce, Grayson, Todd, and Drake, so it’s never assumed that it could be any of them.)

    I have most of these comics and if I don’t I read the stories for them. however all this info is available from

    Anything else?

    Comment by alchemist1977 | June 28, 2008 | Reply

  3. You got me on the number and IDs of the Robins. I am completely correct on the Super Friends/JL thing.

    Comment by desklamp | July 3, 2008 | Reply

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: