Weak Sauce About Nothing

Salsa débil sobre nada!

McDonalds Jelly Is A Sauce

I woke up this morning and I was hungry as hell.  I have a screwed up tooth so everything that I eat has to be done gingerly.  As a consequence I haven’t eaten to much this week.  So this morning I decided that I would have me a McDonald’s Big Breakfast.  So far so good.

Big BreakfastI decided that I would make my way to the biscuit.   Now the biscuit is a delicious morsel of tastiness that is not to be missed.  But it is even better with some grape jelly.  It has been a while since I’ve had a biscuit from McDonald’s so I opened it, got out the knife, ready to spread the jelly, and then opened the jelly packet and squeezed.

The jelly came out like ketchup.  NO knife required, I could have put it on the plate and dipped my biscuit in it.  What the hell?  That isn’t jelly, you should have to spread jelly.  IT isn’t a sauce, it is a topping.  Are we so lazy that we can’t even spread our jelly on a biscuit?  My guess would be yes.  After all I’m eating it.

March 5, 2008 Posted by | Weak Sauce About Nothing | , , , , , | 1 Comment

So here is what is cool about my new job.

Even though I have to work a ton, and there is a lot of work to do. The atmosphere of the place is so much different. For example, my daughter was sick this week and had to stay home from school on Monday. So I brought her to work with me, and everyone is cool with that.

Another kid comes into the office all the time (a kid of one of my co-workers). It is rad, she tries to sneak by my desk every day.  Very ninja like actually, observe picture.

Sneak

So what is so great about the sneaking kiddo.  Well, at the old job if you made the mistake of bringing in you kid, they would be surrounded by a bunch of adoring fans who instantly want to spoil the child.  Because it is the only thing that has happened in their day, that is different than every day that has happened to them in the last 25 years on the job.

I was only there for three years and I was starting to already succumb to that  insanity, and I was going home to my own kids everyday.

Now don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying it isn’t cool to be excited about kids coming into work.  I’m excited when I see the kids, and people that come up to our office everyday.  It is just that no day is so mundane that I’m incapable of functioning the instant something a little different happens (like sneaking ninja kids).  It is nice to know that I can just enjoy my days here, and that things will never be so boring that the instant I see a child I go ape shit.

February 28, 2008 Posted by | Work | , | 1 Comment

Am I Alone?

I watched an awesome series last night called “One Punk Under God.” And here is this really moving portrayal of how to really live your life for God and with a ton of grace towards everyone. Something that I often have a really hard time doing I might add. And all of that was amazing, but what I really was looking at watching this thing was how he was surrounded by people in everything that he was doing. When he had a tough decision to make he had friends to turn to, and a family that he communicated with and loved no matter how strained things were.

I have friends, and that is a huge blessing. And though my wife and I are separated, in a lot of ways I feel like I can go to her, and talk to her about a lot of things. But somehow I still feel totally alone. I have spent the last few months trying to figure out what it means to just rely on God, and what it looks like to just have the unbridled desire to serve Him in everything that I do. And that is hard, it involves getting rid of a lot of the clutter in my life (especially a lot of the stuff that I was doing just to fill time to make me “not bored”), it also involves being supportive of a separation from my wife. There are things that we both need to work on, but now is the time for her to be on her own to deal with her issues, and that leaves me feeling hollow.

I have been in a string of serious relationships all the way back to my sophomore year in high school. That means that there hasn’t been a time in my life where I have been alone for more than a couple of weeks for about 12 years. So getting into bed alone, knowing that I will be alone in that bed for a while, and that the person that I want to be in that bed with isn’t really interested in ever being in a bed with me again is a really daunting prospect. And it leaves me with that gut level emptiness. An emptiness that in the past I would have rushed out to find a new relationship for.

But today I’m realizing that the real filling thing would be God. Something that I used to do. There was a point in my life where I was looking to God for everything, and at some point I stopped doing that so that I could revel in my sexuality. There are these verses in Jeremiah that really resound with me right now (ironicaly enough they are the verses that my pastor is basing a sermon series on right now). The ones linked out above are how I feel about my life as a teen, as this kid that wanted nothing more that to see God glorified, but then I got caught up in all this other shit, and I get to here.

I was so quick to say, I don’t need community with God, “I don’t need community with God’s people. I don’t have a problem, I have my problem under control.” Next thing I know I’m saying, “I can’t quit.” And my life is falling apart, and the one person that I feel like was keeping me in check is telling me that she doesn’t want to be there for me anymore. And I’m realizing that this is God telling me, “Rely on me, not on yourself, and not on others.”

So I’m sitting by myself thinking, “What does being alone look like? Can I take that if I have to live the rest of my life this way? Am I really alone?”

So the bible tells me that I’m not.  But I feel like I am.  I feel just totally alone.  Because everytime one of my relationships has dissolved, I have run right into another one, with another person.  Maybe the answer is this time I should run to God.  Maybe that is the relationship I should be jumping into.

I just have to keep working on all of this.

February 6, 2008 Posted by | Philosphy/Religion | , , | Leave a comment

New Blogroll Entry

I love propaganda posters and this site has an awesome group of them blog style.  Thought we would blogroll them.

February 6, 2008 Posted by | art, Blogs/Blags | , , | Leave a comment

Why the hell did this drop off the radar?

Bird Flu totally hasn’t gone away, and I don’t think anyone is really looking into it too well. It sounds dumb to say but there is the chance that this disease could turn into a pandemic everyday. The way Bush handled Katrina, I hope that shit happens after we have a new president (and that that person is competent).

You want to know how serious it still is. Click me.

February 1, 2008 Posted by | News | , , , , , | Leave a comment

Let’s Get Into This

So I have been kind of hinting at the “troubles” that my wife and I have been going through and it is all out on the table now between the two of us.  She will be moving out very soon into her own apartment, officially it is a separation, some time for her to live on her own so she can start to get her own issues under control (I would add in here “Like I have my own under control,” but that has very little to do with me and every thing to do with God.  An odd phrase on this blog I’m sure).

So here is the thing that I’m realizing.  There was this guy forever ago, he was in a band, he was into books, and his relationship with this God that he would literally fight for in a heart beat.  He loved that one thing about his life more than anything until he realized the power of having sex.  And the pleasure that all that entailed.  He had already gotten into porn (at an ultra early age 2nd grade to be exact), and that was fun enough, but the real deal was so much better.  So what was he willing to give up for sex.

For starters, going into a marriage with purity, his sobriety, his band, his dreams and vision for his life, and most importantly his relationship with faith and God, and that more than anything set him in a tailspin.

Clearly this is me.  So I’m coming out the other end and realizing that something is really missing.  First was that whole God thing.  And that has been what has  pulled me through a lot of this.  Getting close to that infinte creator that sparks a fire inside me like nothing I have ever experiancd before in my whole life.  So I’m on that track, and I’m finding that once again in my life that is all that I need.  But in that statement I find that it pushes me to reconcile with people, I have this relationship that means so much to me, and I want others to have that too, and I want to have real relationships with people.

So much of the past ten years has been about me getting my way, now it is time for me to just learn how to be a friend with nothing to gain.  It is time for me to learn that the presence of someone is more important that what I’m going to get out of a situation.  It’s time for me to go back to being who I was a really long time ago.

And that is a huge deal for me.

Just really wanted to share that, and honestly you guys that write for this and read this, are some of my closest friends, so this seems like a good group to tell it to.

January 31, 2008 Posted by | Philosophy | , , , | 4 Comments

This begs make a short story out of me.

“Don’t put my shoes on, there is something in them.”

It screams modern Lovecraftian horror.

January 30, 2008 Posted by | Weak Sauce About Nothing | , , | 2 Comments

The Color Of Money Tonight

The Color of Money is playing tonight at The Plantation in Greeley, CO.  Sets start at 9:30PM.  If you’re not doing anything you should come with me.

January 26, 2008 Posted by | Music | | 1 Comment

My Life With the Unthrilling Kult

So my life is changing.  My wife and I will be getting a divorce very soon, but it is a very mutual thing.  She doesn’t love me as a husband, and honestly I’m way to messed up as a human to drag someone into a relationship.  But we will always have the connection of our three really amazing kids.  So where do I go from here. 

I don’t want to date, and I don’t really want to move on to fast.  That is half the problem with every relationship I have ever had, just jumping into a new one with out getting over the old one.  So I guess I will become a hermit, hang out with friends and my kids, and work from there.  What a strange new, adventure my life is becoming.

Wish me luck.

January 22, 2008 Posted by | Weak Sauce About Nothing | , , , | 4 Comments

So…

Since I’m not constantly bored at work anymore, I find myself not posting as much.  The strange part about it, is that I keep thinking about things that I would like to post about, then get back into work and totally forget.

But I did remember this.  So today, I rode the bus to work for the second time.  And it is pretty cool.  Even though it was freezing cold out thismorning, I just had that nice feeling of doing something good, for the enviroment, and just doing something good in general because I’m not wasting gas from my car, or any of that stuff.  If you don’t really have access to mass transit (as I didn’t for a long time) I will just let you know now, for all the inconveniance (having to wait for the bus to come, and wierd people on the bus).  It is totally worth it.

Just a quick thought.

January 21, 2008 Posted by | Work | , , , , | 3 Comments

Cloverfield tonight (or maybe tomorrow)!

So we want to go and record afterwards, what is the time that works for you all?

Steve wants to do it tomorrow…would you all be down with that?  I would like to record right after we see it.

January 18, 2008 Posted by | Movies | , | 10 Comments

Hey,

Recording tonight, can we try and be there at 8?

Let me know.

January 16, 2008 Posted by | Podcast | 2 Comments

He Seriously Looks Like Sith Lord To Me

080115_mitt_romney.jpgThere is no way that Rommney isn’t the devil.  Feel the power of the Dark Side. 

January 16, 2008 Posted by | Politics | , , | 3 Comments

Five bands you’ve never heard of that I miss the hell out of.

5.  Focused – Their song Bow, best song ever.

4.  Six Feet Deep – They did it more in sorrow, than in anger.

3.  Warlord – Who is on the Lord’s side?

2.  Strongarm – Best live show I have ever seen (except for #1)

1.  Unashamed – The very essence of spirit filled hardcore.

The bands that I love in their place…

5.  xDisciplex A.D.

4.  Stretch Armstrong

3.  The Warriors

2.  Seventh Star

1.  Zao – Because they never went away.

January 13, 2008 Posted by | Music | , , , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

Ugh

So I’m having a shit weekend that will probably end up with me not being married to my wife in the long run.  But I just have to keep going with my life.  And now I’m sitting at home listening to an album that me and my friends made a really long time ago, while my wife (?) and kids dance around and have fun, and I’m realizing how much I missed out on life, by not being the person that God wanted me to be.

This is the essence of “Fuck Fiction,” it is about living a life that is real and true, and about not being a lie anymore.  We do a shit ton of funny stuff on this blog, and we have a lot of fun in the cast, but when it comes down to it, its all so we can be the people that we want to/should be.  I know this is probably a total downer post, but hey if I can’t put it here (where mo one but friends will read it) then where can I put it.

So yeah, that’s it.  I start my new job tomorrow and that is the best thing going right now (except my awesome kids!).

January 13, 2008 Posted by | Weak Sauce About Nothing | 4 Comments

Hour Six

there is a dumb team building thing that the whole team is supposed to go to.  Normally this would irritate me, but today it is cool because it chews up some of this over long day.

**Edit**

On the way down someone stoped us to tell us it was canceled.  That is pretty normal around these parts, you know corporate communication.

January 11, 2008 Posted by | Work | , | Leave a comment

Hour Five

Had one of my exite interviews, it was nice words but seeme dso cold and distant.

 “Good Luck, come see us sometime, laters.”  It was over in five minuets.  I’m finding that it is a lot nicer when people come to my desk to say bye.  They are the people that want to say bye, as opposed to the people that have to say bye.  Savvy?

January 11, 2008 Posted by | Work | , , , | Leave a comment

“This is so unusual, and I don’t know whether or not it’s a lesson from God,” Karim said.

It snowed in Baghad today.  And people took a snow day, a chance to play and have fun, and for a brief moment be children.  Such a simple thing, and it brings so much joy.  A part of that makes me really happy, because it shows how resiliant people are.  In spite of all the war and all the fighting and all the bloodshed, they can still find joy in a snowball fight.  One the other hand it makes me sad, because tomorrow there will be a bomb, or a shooting, or something that will destroy that joy. 

“I don’t know whether or not it’s a lesson from God”

I think it would be.  Take joy where you can find it and don’t let go of that no matter what.

Let’s end this fucking war now.

January 11, 2008 Posted by | News, Philosophy | , , , , | Leave a comment

Hour Four

Technically it is now.  Just doing crap work that doesn’t cause errors to keep myself busy.

January 11, 2008 Posted by | Work | | Leave a comment

Hour Three

Just had a lunch with my whole team.  As much as I dilike a lot of things about my job I know that the one thing I will miss is a lot of the cool people that I work with.

January 11, 2008 Posted by | Work | , | Leave a comment