Superman is Clown Shoes Part IV
IN CONCLUSION:
You remember those two films by Quentin Tarantino? Kill Bill Vol 1 and 2?
David Carradine (as Bill) mentions Superman in comparison to Uma Thurman’s character. He states not only that he likes comics and is fascinated by the lore, he mentions that Superman is his favorite.
Now, I like David Carradine, he’s a helluva actor and if you don’t know what “Kung Fu” the series is, you should be shot.

2 things to keep in mind:
1. He’s playing a “Murdering bastard” who by nature or otherwise, feels that he is above everyone / everything
2. Because he feels that he’s above everyone / everything, he proves my point even more!
He starts off saying that when superman wakes up, he’s superman. Not Clark Kent. Talks about how the suit he wears and his glasses as Clark Kent are the disguise. The Fluorescent blue, red, and gold underoos are HIS clothes; They’re the stuff the Kents found him wrapped in.
Exactly what he says:
“Clark Kent is how Superman views us. And what are the characteristics of Clark Kent? He’s weak, he’s unsure of himself…he’s a coward. Clark Kent is Superman’s critique on the whole human race”
I don’t know about you, but the first thing I think is “who the hell does he think he is?” Superman’s statement to the world is “You’re weak” Notice that this is in the same universe that “Batman, Lobo, Wonder Woman, Green Lantern, Green Arrow, Hawkman, The Flash, Etc.” exist in. Not even mentioning the crossovers they’ve done with Marvel comics and Image comics. As if HE’s the only answer to helping us “weak” humans out. To a point, that attitude just about craps on the Justice League which he’s a member of.
Going back to Kill Bill; I’m not suggesting that this is the reason why the story played out and finished how it did, but kind of interresting how not long after “Bill” says his Superman bit, he winds up like this:

Mere moments away from having an exploded heart!
I was going to compare movies between Superman/Batman, but I think it’s unnecessary and frankly, no contest. Batman wins, every time. Prove me wrong. I DARE YOU! Box-Office sales alone should be enough info for you. Not to mention that Superman 3 had Richard Pryor in a starring role. If that’s not clown shoes, the badguy from Superman 4 “Nuclear Man” should be, but if that’s not either, I guess I don’t know what clown shoes is! (“It’s pronounced nucular ya idiot, the ‘T’ is silent” – Peter Griffin)

Reasons why kids have inferiority complexes later in life.
Funny review about the toys that have come out for the travesty they called a “movie.” (Superman Returns? are you kidding me? they couldn’t come up with a more original title than that?)
http://www.i-mockery.com/shorts/superman-returns-toys/
Superman is Clown Shoes Part II
Welcome to the 2nd entry of compelling evidence proving that Superman is WEAK!
As Superman Louis Lane is just about stalking him. Maybe all the single women of Metropolis though he has never said anything about a significant other as superman, as Clark Kent, nobody cares what he has to say about a significant other.

louis & superman, superman & lois, OH! clark & lois, lois & superman, *YAWN* lois & superman, OH! clark & lois
As Batman, even with the fact that they are on opposite sides of the law, Catwoman, Poison Ivy, Harley-Quinn, Talia Al Ghul (Ra’s Al Ghul’s Daughter) all want him (and not just to kill him)

Batman & Catwoman, Rachel Daws & Bruce, Batman & Talia, Bruce & 2 foreign models, Bruce & Selina Kyle, Batman & Poison Ivy, Bruce & Vicki
Side kicks:
4 different Robin’s (one died, one became NightWing, 2 were/is head of the Teen Titans)
Batman, a HUMAN, with NO super powers is a member of a League of SUPER heroes. Not only is he a member, he’s one of the ELEITE members. Not a throw-in like “the flash” or “Aquaman” When they decided to start the group, who were the two first characters they thought of? Superman and Batman.
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Defiance – December 2008
OK.
About Valkyrie?
I was wrong.
Mark it down in your calendar. It may be the only time I’ll admit it ![]()
But in my defense it’s only because I didn’t see the trailer to Defiance before I saw the trailer for Valkyrie.
Compared to Defiance, Valkyrie is going to suck. . .hard.

Daniel Craig about to act the shit out of Tom Cruise.
Like Valkyrie, Defiance is also based on a true story:
(From IMDB:) Three Jewish brothers escape from Nazi-occupied Poland into the Belarussian forest, where they join Russian resistance fighters and endeavor to build a village in order to protect themselves and others in danger.
Once again, like Valkyrie it takes place during WWII and features some great names both behind and in front of the camera: (along with movies I’ve personally seen with them)
Edward Zwick – Director (Glory, Legends of the Fall, Courage Under Fire, The Last Samurai)
Actors:
Daniel Craig – Tuvia Bielski (Tomb Raider, Casino Royale, The Invasion)
Liev Schreiber – Zus Bielski (Kate & Leopold, Hamlet(Ethan Hawke), Sphere, Scream1, 2, 3, Ransom) NOTE: he’s also going to play “Sabertooth” in the Wolverine movie. . .I shit you not!
Mark Margolis – The Ghetto Elder (The Fountain, Umney’s Last Case, The Tailor of Panama, End of Days, The Thomas Crown Affair, Pi, Glory)
I realize they’re two very different movies; Valkyrie being a conspiracy/paranoia film and Defiance being a drama/hero film. And that may work in both their favors when it comes down to it. It may happen anyway that everyone will compare the movies together (like what happened between “The illusionist,” and “The Prestige” even though “The Illusionist” has more of a political plot and features very little “magic” compared to the vendetta-filled “The Prestige”)
Valkyrie comes out in October 2008
Defiance comes out in late December 2008
So far the reviews for Defiance are positive, unlike Valkyrie, but as I say in my previous post, this could be because of the Tom Cruise effect. (ie: people are tired of hearing about him, his scientology hijinks are overshadowing his actual work, The first film to come out of his ressurected United Artists company, ”Lions for Lambs” flopped big time.)
Defiance doesn’t seem to have an official site yet, but the trailer is everywhere.
Valkyrie – Fall 2008
Man, I cannot believe how much the critics are panning this film and it hasn’t even come close to coming out!
For the un-savvy, the movie is about Operation Valkyrie; The plot to assassinate Adolf Hitler and have a shadow government rule in his stead. Of course it failed since Adolf personally killed Colonel Claus von Stauffenberg, possibly the head of the whole conspiracy.

Cruise as Colonel Claus von Stauffenberg
It’s a story that should be done, and one that is really interesting. Will the execution be there? who knows. Tom Cruise is the one producing it under his newly resurrected United Artists production company. The last movie he came out with “Lions for Lambs” flopped big time, but many argue that it could have been a case of right movie, wrong time.
As with “Lions for Lambs,” “Valkyrie” has an impressive cast both in front of and behind the camera. Check out these names: (With movie credits that I’ve personally seen)
Bryan Singer - Director (X-men, X2, The Usual Suspects, Apt Pupil)
Christopher McQuarrie - Co-Writer (The Usual Suspects, The Way of the Gun)
Actors:
Tom Cruise- Colonel Claus von Stauffenberg (MI: 1-3, Minority Report, Vanilla Sky)
Kenneth Branagh- Henning von Tresckow (Henry V, Much Ado About Nothing, Shackleton)
Tom Wilkinson – Friedrick Fromm (Batman Begins, The Exorcism of Emily Rose)
Bill Nighy- Friedrich Olbricht (Underworld, Pirates of the Caribbean 2-3, Shaun of the Dead)
His foolery and Scientology freakiness aside, in my humble opinion, Tom Cruise can act. Watch “Eyes Wide Shut,” “Vanilla Sky,” or “Minority Report” without prejudice and tell me he can’t? All 3 really great movies that I can’t imagine someone else playing his role.
Will the movie flop? Who knows. I know alot of movie goers are sick of hearing about him and so get turned off when the prospect of one of his movies comes around. I just watched the trailer for Valkyrie. I’m not going to be the first in line to watch it opening weekend, but I do want to see it in the theatre when it comes out. (I’ll be saving my “Opening night” money on “The Dark Knight” by the way, but that’s another story!)
Harmony of the dancing chicken and dragon
“You don’t hear guys going to a club saying to one another; ‘Screw chicks tonight bro, I gotta dance!’ “
-Dane Cook
Do we really need another dance movie? I understand there are real underground dance competitions and I’m sure they’re very good at what they do. But seriously, a dance movie coming out on Valentine’s day? You know the only guys going are likely gays. Even gay dancers probably have more respect than that.

Here’s a nice piece of shit. . .
How about that tag line: “It’s not where you’re from, it’s where you’re at?”What the fuck does that even mean? It was just as shitty when it was called “Breakin” oh wait, when it was called “Footloose” or ”Dirty Dancing” or “Save The Last Dance” “Save The Last Dance 2″ or ”Step Up” I heard a comment from someone while I was subjected to this shit a second time before Cloverfield started. This jackass said something lame like; “It’s this generation looking for that good dance movie of their era. For ours, it was Footloose.” WHAT? I remember footloose being pretty shitty for it’s time too pal. If I lived in a comic book, I would have unbolted my theatre chair and bashed the guys head in when I heard that.
I guarantee you; the acting: shit, the direction: shit, the music: shit, chance of gaining any awards: shit. “yo bro, don’t knock it, there’s a chick dancing in rain and she looks HOT!”OK ‘bro’ if I wanted to see tits, or nudity, or even half-nudity, I don’t need a shitty movie, I would check the 100,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000 sites dedicated to it on the internet. (FOR FREE by the way) go to google and type in “tits” that’s it. hit enter. I just saved you the price of admission. You’re welcome.
The only dancing I want to see is on my Chinese take out box between the chicken and the dragon. The dancing mystically keeps my chicken fried rice from tasting like shit.

Now that’s what I call dancing!
Cloverfield tonight (or maybe tomorrow)!
So we want to go and record afterwards, what is the time that works for you all?
Steve wants to do it tomorrow…would you all be down with that? I would like to record right after we see it.
Fucking Neuromancer!
Read an interesting post here. Honestly there hasn’t been a movie in the history of film that has so much potential for greatness and getting fucked up all at the same time. This book is a clasic of cyberpunk literature, and one of the first of its kind (the first probably being Transmaniacon by John Shirley). It could be one of the most amazing movies ever made if it is done in the right tone, and with the right kind of effects. But if they just make it a glitz and glamour summer blockbuster it will be another shitty I, Robot. And no body wants that.
Surf’s Up
So honestly there isn’t much love out there for kids movies, and as a parent I can totally understand why. Most of the ones that I have seen in the last few years have been weak at best. Like Enchanted, cool idea, poor execution. Happy Feet, good as a film, lost my kid’s intrest pretty quickly because it is nuanced, and that escapes children most of the time. Don’t get me wrong though, there are a lot of kids movies that I have enjoyed watching. But it is a rare treat more than a norm.
Well I was super stoked when I finished watch Surf’s Up, because honestly this was a really decent movie. It didn’t get a lot of love when it was in the theater’s because the much better “film” Happy Feet was going at the same time. And unlike Happy Feet, Surf’s Up is way more about having a good time and a being fun, than it is about getting a serious message across.
Filmed in the documentary style, this movie hits a lot of great note in that genre of film while doing a good job of poking fun at it. It also plays up a lot of the stereotypes associated with surfers and has come of the best one liners that I have heard since the first Shrek.
So if you have to watch a kids movie, this one gets a thumbs up from me, and if you don’t it isn’t half bad and you may just end up enjoying yourself.
Good times.
National Treasure: Book of Secrets

So here is the deal. When I was a kid I went with my dad to watch Indian Jones and the Raiders of the Lost Ark (as did most everyone else). And it was a really formative experiance. For the longest time I wanted to be an archeologist. Because I thought that meant I would treavel all over the globe finding rare artifacts and fighting bad guys. No dice, I work a desk job now.
But I’m not going to keep my kids from having the same kinds of dreams! So I took them to see the new National Treasure this weekend. And holy crap if that movie doesn’t deliver. It is truly the Indiana Jones for the information age. Honestly I haven’t had this much fun at the movies in a while. My kids were rivited, and I was into it, and everything in the movie just clicked perfectly. I can’t really recomend it enough.
Go watch it and go have fun!
Green Street Hooligans
There seems to be a theme in my movie watching over the last couple of weeks. English Hooliganisim. Last week I caught This Is England. A movie more about English skinhead culture than football hooliganisim, but still a very similar culture. Both really focus on that desire to be accepted, and loved by some kind of familial group, even if that group is totally disfunctional and driven by violence.
The plot of Green Street Holligans revolves around Matt, he just got expeled from Harvard. He took the fall for a rich ass hole and so goes to visit his sister in England. As soon as he gets there he meets Paul, the leader of a football firm called the Green Street Elite. Their basic day to day revolves around getting off of work, going to the pub, drinking a shit load, and then going to football matches and getting into fights with the other football firms.
And these aren’t cute fights. They are really taking it to each other. Matt gets caught up in it, because for the first time in his life he is part of something that is bigger than him, even if the goal is only to build street reputation, it means something to him. Naturally everything goes poor in the end with the introduction of the GSE’s rival Millwall and a grudge that goes back over a decade.
One thing that really tied This is England to this movie for me is a scene where they are about to go to a match, and there is a shot of the front of a building, hanging from the windows are two flags, one is the Union Jack, the other is St. George’s Cross, a really powerful symbol in This is England. That idea that the Hooligan culture is very similar and has a lot of ties to that skinhead culture portrayed in This is England hit hard. There is even a scene where some of the Millwall guys beat someone up in a restaurant and one wacks up to the other and says, “That Paki that owns the place called the cops, we need to fuck off right now.” That kind of passive racisim could only be a hold over from the National Front movement portrayed in The is England.
If you can handle the violence, and you are just as fascinated with the hooligan culture, and football culture, you are in for a good movie, if a little predictable. I recomend it, and if you want a double does of English tough guy, pick up This is england and watch them back to back. Good stuff.
This is England.

Probably one of the most misunderstood subcultures in our generation is the skinhead subculture. In all of the current popular thought, people just imagine skinheads as thugs and racists. Nothing could be furthur from the truth, and This is England is a great movie that really shows the true nature of
skinheads, especially in the early 80’s.
The story of young Sean, a 12 year old that is constantly being picked on for the out of style clothes he wears, and the fact that his father died in the Faulklands. After a day of serious harrasment, Sean stumbles on a group of skins hanging out in an underpass, they take him in and they become fast friends.
But as is the case with all movies, the good times aren’t to last. One of the gang’s members gets out of prison and begins to infuse the group with his brand of racist nationalisim, and Sean is one of the first to fall in line, “so his death won’t be for nothing.”
It is the story of a community devolving into something that it really doesn’t want to be. Making the movie a powerful movie for the skinhead community as a whole, and for a young man “coming of age,” but more importantly about a kid finding his own way. Coming to terms with what he beleives in, as opposed to just bowing to what other people think.
On top of that the sound track is stellar, really capturing the sound of the 80’s and the sound of real skinhead mucic with bands like Toots and the Maytols, and The Specials. Brilliant stuff.
I got slacking issues.
So I am still reading, I am legend almost done though I suck I know im horrible and shouldn’t be aloud to live. But I will keep on truckin on or whatever the hell I keep on doing on or… k I lost myself there but yeah I will be done soon and then I am going to see the movie again and then yes. I will write a detailed review. But thats all from me for now so bye bye.
-AwesomeKong out.
That took long enough…
Peter Jackson finally agreed to do the Hobbit. What a douche for holing out…
My Take on I Am Legend.

So I Am Legend is one of my favorite books of all time, so pretty much anything that is going to be put on the screen is going to be a bit of a disapointment. For the most part I really liked the new adaptation of I Am Legend with Will Smith, especially the first 2/3s of the film. That aspect of the film really captures the tone and feel of the book. That isolation and near madness is played really well by Smith, a lot better than Charelton Heston did in Omega Man.
The mistake that the new film makes is the same mistake that Omega Man does. It introduces people that are healthy. If you haven’t read the book, then be aware I’m about to divulge the ending.
The second half of the novel by Richard Matheson involved Robert Neville finding a woman who he saves. The twist being that she isn’t imune like he is. She is a spy for the new society that is looking to get rid of their boogie man. They are trying to dispatch of Neville because he is a killing machine that comes and destroys them while they sleep. He is the monster.
It would have been a much better movie, the build of of the humanity that is Neville, to the brutal realization that the “monsters” are just trying to make a new society. And Neville is the real monster, killing indiscriminately. It is a twist worthy of Twilight Zone (which Matheson wrote for), and it would have been a far superior film.
That is my take on I Am Legend.
I am Legend… WOW
Well i just watched the movie and i need to read the book again tonight before i post more. My review straight off the hip is that it was a great movie. Not true to the book but still a very good movie. I will post again tomorrow with more. Bye bye for now, i’ve got reading to do.
-AwesomeKong out.
hey
On our way to see I Am Legend. We’ll tell you all about it later.
Deathproof
I was listening to Filmspotting, and they were giving out ther best supporting actor “awards.” And Kurt Russell in Deathproof came up. I’m going to have to back them up on that one. If you haven’t seen it, Deathproof is about a guy by the name of Stunt Man Mike, that stalks pretty girls and kills them with his car. He meets his match with a couple of stunt driving ladies who are hell bent on kicking his ass for fucking with them.
This is what makes the movie awesome, especially when it comes to Russell. Stunt Man Mike comes off as this total stalker
badass tough guy, with scars and a mean ass car, no table manners, the works. But once the women catch up with him, they take him out and he starts whining and crying and making a general scene. It is awesome to see this guy who has, as a rule, played bad mother fuckers (like Snake Pilskin) be willing to take the fall and literally let himself be emasculated to make the role work. It is a brilliant turn, and it makes me want to watch the movie all over again.
“The only problem, is that to get the benefits, you really have to be sitting in my seat.”
First God Damn Podcast
All right here it is. This is the first podcast. This was the goal, and hopefully we will be pulling this off every wednesday.
We started off with asking what is up with what is going on this week, but the topic this time was really movies. We get into I Am Legend the book, and the movie (and a point of clarification there are in fact 3 other movie adaptions of I Am Legend, there is a new one from Asylum called I Am Omega, Doyle you are right). That moved into a discussion on vampire movies in general, specifically the difference in tone between I Am Legend the novel and the current trend in vampire movies, to just have vampires kicking ass, then a bit of comparison with the other two adaptions of the book. It also brought up Mr. Magorium’s Wonder Emporium, Harry Potter, our waitress Kristen (if she has a myspace I’ll post it next time), and The Mist (which leads into Doyle being an asshole for having not seen The Shawshank Redemption).
There was a long discussion about one scene in Hitman, that didn’t really convince me to see it. There is a good chance that Bobby will be buying a syringe of “knock out juice” as soon as possible. That of course led into a bit of a discussion about xXx. The consensus it that Vin Deisel blows.
We talked a bit about Sweeney Todd. It has now been dubbed The Count of Monte Scissorhands. We also plug Rotten Tomatoes. Gabe clearley states his opinion on Roger Ebert, because of his opinion on Memphis Belle.
We also talked pretty extensively about Starship Troopers the book, and the movie. Bobby really wanted there to be Power Suits in the movie, Doyle and Gabe could just enjoy it for Doogie.
We also had a discussion about some of our favorite movies (or our children as Bobby Likes to think of them). It ranged from Shawshank Redemption, Metropolis, Blade Runner, Memento, Star Wars, American History X, Predator, Rear Window, Pulp Fiction to A good time was had by all. And George Lucas, fuck you.
And we chat a bit about some new movies, Narnia: Prince Caspian, and Rambo.
We also talk about a few of our friends, Steve, Scott, David you missed the chance to defend yourselves.
Watch out there is a bit of racial sluring, and we deffinitly bring up Dog the Bounty Hunter.
MENU:
Bobby: Hot Wings, 1 Blue Moon
Doyle: Cheese Fries, 2 Budweiser
Gabe: Some Cheese Fries, One Hot Wing, 2 Guinness.
We sat at Cables. And the plan is to just do it every Wednesday. We’ll see! It was fun as hell.
Face Transplants and Sweeny Todd: Demon Barber of Fleet Street.

So here is what freaks me out. The lady pictured above. She was the first person to receive a partial face transplant. Though it is amazing to think about the fact that she lost most of her face from her dog trying to eat her, and doctors were able to make her look mostly like herself, I am freaked out that this is something that can even happen. Imagine you are a criminal five years into the future. You could probably have a face transplant done, and look like a different person, even if they just took your face off and put it back on. Freaks me the fuck out.
On a totally different note, I was on Rotten Tomatoes some more, and Sweeny Todd is looking pretty good so far. I have been looking forward to it, but the heavy shadow of I Am Legend and Cloverfield, has kind of glossed over how much I want to see it. There are a lot of good movies out there to see this year. I hope I get to catch some of them.
