With Eyes Unclouded By Hate
i ganked this story from Brennan Manning who ganked it from Thornton Wilder and i wanted to share it with you :
Thornton Wilder’s one act play “The Angel That Troubled the Waters,” based on John 5:1-4, dramatizes the power of the pool of Bethesda to heal whenever an angel stirred its waters. A physician comes periodically to the pool hoping to be the first in line and longing to be healed of his melancholy. The angel finally appears but blocks the physician just as he is ready to step into the water. The angel tells the physician to draw back, for this moment is not for him. The physician pleads for help in a broken voice, but the angel insists that healing is not intended for him.
The dialogue continues – and then comes the prophetic word from the angel: “Without your wounds where would your power be? It is your melancholy that makes your low voice tremble into the hearts of men and women. The very angels themselves cannot persuade the wretched and blundering children on earth as can one human being broken on the wheels of living. In Love’s service, only wounded soldiers can serve. Physician, draw back.”
Later, the man who did get to enter the pool first and was healed rejoices in his good fortune and turning to the physician says: “Please come with me. It is only an hour to my home. My son is lost in dark thoughts. I do not understand him and only you have ever lifted his mood. Only an hour… There is also my daughter: since her child died, she sits in the shadow. She will not listen to us but she will listen to you.”
I believe i have something like what the good doctor has and i think melancholy is an excellent way to define it. i find my thoughts lingering on some of the more troubling things about my character, the places where an angel would not dare to tread. Numerous times i feel like i have taken these ailments to God and asked for healing and i feel like i am running into walls. For a long time, and even now at times, i would blame God for not healing me, for not giving me a heart / mind set / spirit that i could “live” out of. that somehow what i have isn’t good enough, who i am isn’t true enough, or pure enough, or compassionette enough. interestingly though, the right attitude would be to understand i have what i have on purpose. my weaknesses are actually the keys to my service. Instead of allowing our perception of God to be clouded by anger because of God’s “inaction” in healing our wounds, we should be moved to realize our weakness is the place where God can come through to the world. If God “healed” my melancholy the door would be shut for grace to flow through to broken people.
I think it is important to note that in the story the Angel is specific in telling the doctor that nowis not the time for his healing. This means there will come a point when the doctor is relieved from his shadowed heart, when the time is right. I am reminded of Tolkien’s words from the Fellowship of the Ring, “A wizard is never late, he arrives precisely when he means to.” If this is not an allegory for how God interacts with the world then i don’t know what is. We may not understand God’s timing but we can embrace God’s goodness in spite of our lamentations.
In an anime movie, Princess Mononoke, one of the main characters, Prince Ashitaka, is afflicted with a curse that is killing him. The wise woman of his village encourages him to seek peace in a foreign land with the key to his enlightenment being his ability to see with eyes unclouded by hate. As the movie progresses the same curse that is killing him takes the shape of salvation to numerous others. Slowly Ashitaka’s embrace of vision with out hatred allows him to grow into a man of compassion able to help many in spite of his weakness and curse. In fitting with Wilder’s story, at the right time (which for movies is always at the end) Ashitaka is healed of his curse and is endowed with a new appreciation for his place in the world.
So i write this as encouragement, as someone who has been weathered by the seasons of life and faired poorly…there is goodness in the midst of weakness and it’s name is God. In love’s service only wounded soldiers can serve, Our greatest weakness is also our greatest strength. We are each others wounded healers.
